If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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