The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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