i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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