Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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