i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
