she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
