omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
