I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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