he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
