she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
