did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
