did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
