I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
3 2 1 whiskey
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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