We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
