hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
