told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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