shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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