Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
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Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize