It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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