he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
