What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
