bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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