I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
