he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
