so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
