hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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