i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
