brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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