I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
