remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
