your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
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so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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