Pants 0. Shit 1.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
