Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
The uberlube is also flammable
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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