so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
