Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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