I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
