Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
