I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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