i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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