At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
