I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
