today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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