when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
