don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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