I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
