My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
