like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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