Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have aggressive nipples.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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