He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
