To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
