and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
