I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
