dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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