I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize