Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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