Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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