she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
