apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
