i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
