phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize