i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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