Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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