If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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