So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
and she was petting her beer can
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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