Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
