I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
