Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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