i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
