The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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