i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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