You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
