Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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