If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
