i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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