How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
