he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
