I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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