Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
