i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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