I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
sex in a hospital.. check
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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