there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
