There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
