it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
