I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
