This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
