you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
