The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
