In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
