You smell like a Billy Joel song
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
