I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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